Co-Parenting, Relationships, Gender, and LGBTQ+/Queer Therapy

Co-Parenting Counseling

When a coupling produces children, in many cases the exes are guaranteed a lifelong relationship. To preserve the health of that system, it requires both parties to be open, adaptable, and focused on the best interest of their child(ren). Just because the couple has ended their relationship doesn’t mean that family unit is also ended, it is changing. To a child, both parents are their family even in the face of uncoupling and divorce. Parents are the keepers and teachers of family culture and traditions, the foundation of love, safety, and security, and the facilitator of interactions and relationships. Co-parents are responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of their child(ren)’s familial unit, in everchanging form, for the rest of their lives. Even though the co-parents are moving on and possibly forming other family units, the shared child(ren)’s wellbeing depends on the health of the co-parenting relationship. To do this effectively, co-parents need to establish and maintain a healthy co-parenting relationship, a vision defined by the individuals for each unique and complicated circumstance.  

Individuals often adopt linear perspectives that promote defensive strategies after the relationship has ended as protection from deeper vulnerable feelings about the relationship ending. Some experience deep hurt, fear, grief, devastation, abandonment, shame, feelings of failure, wronged, and many other complex feelings. As a result, coparents are often communicating to one another with high defenses raised. This can look like anger, aloofness, contempt, gatekeeping, criticism, and resentment. My goal is to unite the co-parents towards the common good of their child(ren), which asks the individuals to tap into a level of vulnerability that is helpful and open to the process. Exes do not need to perpetuate negative interactions. Exes can range from distant but respectful or fair-minded interactions to even deeply meaningful platonic relationships, as long as both individuals are committed to the integrity of a co-parenting relationship that focuses on the best interest of their child(ren).

***Co-parenting counseling is not intended to be a replacement for mediation. While there will be times of dispute resolution and negotiation of issues related to co-parenting, but my role is your therapist, not mediator. In this process, I focus on the emotional exploration and growth contributing to conflict and conducting more structured communication to teach co-parents helpful communication skills to help in decision making and problem solving.

I do facilitate co-parenting planning and provide unofficial documentation of what is agreed upon to both parties to then use and review with their legal providers.

Gender Affirming Therapy for Gender Actualization

Gender actualization is the social, expressive, and existential process of becoming and integrating one’s authentic self through the context of gender.

I began serving the gender diverse population in Cincinnati in 2013 and developed my specialty in gender therapy over the last 12 years.

There are several considerations in approaching treatment for my clients. Everyone's relationship with their gender identity is different, and all trans experiences are unique. All clients coming into my office will have a different experience of their identity, and all clients internalize and process their experiences differently. Because of this, I conceptualize my client where they are, and I use affirming therapy as the foundation of treatment. This means that a large aspect of our work is deconstructing internalized stigma that may be impacting the ability to self-actualize. I draw from many process-oriented interventions such as use of self, parts/IFS, guided imageries, anchoring, and family of origin and attachment.

Relationship Therapy

I have experience working with:

Infidelity

Conflict Resolution

Intimacy and Closeness

Transitioning Relationships(one or both partners identify as trans)

Queer Relationships

Premarital Counseling

(Re)Negotiating Gender Roles in Relationship

Ethical Non Monogamy (ENM)

When working with couples and relationships that do not indicate a need for a more specialized approach (transitioning couples or infidelity), treatment looks much like the stages of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Below is a framework that provides a typical depiction of treatment progression for couples:

Stage 1: Stabilization and De-Escalation:

My goal during this stage is to increase understanding of self, partner, and relational patterns. I want to increase awareness and insight into how the couple is systemically influencing their relationship- this means how personal participation is influencing your "relationship team". During this stage, we are assessing conflict and the patterns of negative interactions within the relationship. We will also investigate the influence of relational histories, including family of origin, and how this has contributed to the past and present relationship. We will analyze effective and ineffective relational patterns and the behaviors that foster them so that we can use this knowledge to interrupt them and create change. I will help the couple perceive their relationship in a more circular manner, so that the couple works together, becoming allies, against their negative interaction cycles.

Stage 2: Restructuring the Bond

My goal during this phase is to begin the process of interrupting the persisting patterns of negative interactions and guiding the couple through change. Sometimes this process may seem unnatural at first, such as feeling prompted or given tasks that do not feel natural, and I ask the couple to practice patience so that the interrupting behaviors have time to translate into your relationship and became the new, natural, norm. I provide several techniques tailored to the unique needs of the couple consisting of communication and dialogue strategies, conflict resolution interventions, intimacy building activities, and relational skill building. The couple will access and share their needs while increasing acceptance of partner's experiences. The couple and I will begin the process of restructuring relational interactions with this new understanding of one another, their selves, and their relationship.

Stage 3: Consolidation

My goal for the couple is consistency in utilizing their new learned skills to foster positive change, relational growth, and mutual understanding. I work with the couple to help them solidify the changes and prevent regression into old ineffective patterns. Once treatment comes to an end, I create post-treatment goals with the couple to continue maintaining progress beyond treatment. 

Infidelity Treatment

Couples working through infidelity are in need of a clinician who can provide directive intervention to begin facilitating crisis stabilization. Infidelity treatment is different from typical counseling, as it is directive and structured. After discovery of an affair, the relationship is extremely vulnerable and couples need an experienced clinician with specialized interventions for treating infidelity. This is a time where commitment to the relationship is at risk, and the relationship is in danger of further damage accrued by emotional and traumatic responses. Couples need a clinician who can provide structured treatment to reduce symptoms of trauma and formulate a plan with the couple. My goal is to mitigate the crisis to begin the process of healing, while guiding the couple through a treatment model used for infidelity treatment.

I use the term "relationship house" as a metaphor for couples. Typically before infidelity occurs, there is some structural damage to the relationship house, weakening its ability to withstand potential threats of challenges to the house. Once the affair occurs, the house crumbles- leaving the betrayed partner in shock among the rubble, and the participating partner frantically attempting to pick up all the pieces of the house. My plan is to help the couple rebuild their relationship house with a stronger foundation and structural resilience. 

Phase 1: Addressing the Impact

During this phase, we will address the impact of the infidelity for each partner and on the relationship. I will teach communication strategies and guide couples through this process. I recognize that both couples are hurting deeply at this time, and I make it a priority create an environment where both partners are able to process their hurts together. This is also the time in treatment we formulate appropriate plans for stabilizing relational crisis: boundary setting, disclosure, creating a recovery environment, answering questions, etc.  

Phase 2: Understanding the Context

This phase is typically the longest phase couples participate in, as this is the time we analyze the vulnerabilities present in the relationship prior to the infidelity. We will use the relationship assessments I typically use in couple's treatment to break down relationship satisfaction and intimacy across several categories. The interventions I use during this phase help rebuild and strengthen the relationship. Once the couple experiences the emotional intimacy of this process, they often report feeling movement towards healing and increasing trust. 

Phase 3: Moving Forward

The new relationship house is almost done, it's time for analyzing and discussing what moving on from the affair looks like for the couple. This includes prevention work- what are the new boundaries for the couple? We will also begin talking about forgiveness. During this phase we make plans to encourage ongoing progress and healing beyond treatment. 

About Me

Caitlin Yilmazer, LPCC-S (she/her/hers)

I am a practicing counselor and the Chief Operating Officer of Waybridge Counseling, a private practice in Cincinnati, Ohio, where I work with a wonderful group of clinicians. I have two specialties that I’ve been practicing over the last 12 years, relationship therapy and gender therapy. I also am currently developing a specialty in co-parenting counseling.

I was foundationally trained in systemic couples counseling and draw inspiration from emotionally focused strategies in my work. When I started at Waybridge as an intern, I began my training through reflecting team and was working with high conflict and infidelity cases. While I have experience with a diverse array of relationship issues, I have specialized skills working with infidelity, transitioning couples, and queer relationships. I am currently developing an approach in working with co-parenting relationships.

 I decided to start providing co-parenting counseling to help co-parents construct and repair a co-parenting relationship that prioritizes the needs of their child(ren) and functions the most effectively for the unit. Co-parenting counseling is different from mediation because the objective of the counseling process is more than just dispute resolution, it’s about strengthening the co-parent team in favor of the child(ren)’s best interest. The process is unique to each circumstance. Co-parents might want to improve communication or conflict resolution skills, work through specific barriers in their team, align and perform as a united front, or even process aspects of the familial changes together.

I have over 13 years of combined educational and clinical experience with LGBTQ+ populations, and I developed the masters level courses for LGBTQ+ and gender therapy for Xavier University. I have been a guest speaker for mental health counseling courses at the University of Cincinnati, Northern Kentucky University, Union Institute, and Wright State University. I’m also a local presenter for gender therapy and have worked with local community resources to support Cincinnati’s LGBTQ+ community, including Cincinnati Children’s, Safe and Supported, ALGBTICO, and local school districts in developing affirming policies and practices. In 2018, I developed the gender program at Waybridge, a group of clinicians practicing gender affirming therapy. I have written a book on gender therapy: A Clinician’s Guide to Gender Actualization: An Approach to Gender Affirming Therapy .

Services & Pricing

• Individual Sessions: $150, sessions are 45-50 minutes in length

• Couples and Family Sessions: $200, sessions are 65 minutes in length

• Co-Parent Counseling Sessions: $200, sessions are 65 minutes in length

• Co-Parenting Planning Sessions: $500, sessions are 2.5 hours in length. We meet for as many sessions are needed to complete the plan desired.